I’ve been waiting for this day a long time…
Throughout my son’s life, he has struggled to find joy. In particular, he has struggled with being in public. There’s just too much unpredictability. Noise in particular. Babies screaming can send him over the edge. He used to wear ear muffs when he was very young. It helped, but still, getting him to go outside was an arduous task. He then became dependent on electronics, video games in particular, as his source of joy. And staying home.
He’s sixteen now and I think he realizes this is a problem, and he is at least willing to work on it with me. Over the last month, I have been taking him to a local all-ages bar and grill. And it is definitely loud. Usually musicians playing. And being an all-ages venue, it is family friendly. Lots of families. Lots of… screaming babies.
He hates it of course, but he’s still willing to go with me a couple of times per week for about an hour. We ride our bicycles there, which is also something therapeutic for him. He struggled to learn to ride a bike. He’s starting to get comfortable with it.
I’ve also taken to making noises while riding. Like singing or calling out various random noises. We have mourning doves around here so I will make those noises. Sometimes they answer back. And my son has started imitating me. It’s great. He’s so shy and quiet I want him to know it’s perfectly fine to make loud and fun noises outdoors in full view of other people. I’ll say hi to random people on the sidewalks. I’m trying to encourage him to do the same. It hasn’t worked yet, but I hope it will some day.
Anyways, today was an exceptional day.
As we’re cooing and carrying on he actually said, “Hey this is kind of fun”. Wow, I was surprised. I don’t remember the last time he said that. He was enjoying goofing around.
We get to the pub order fries and a drink. The band is loud. Too loud. As usual though, I make us sit somewhere semi-crowded. I don’t want us hiding in a quiet corner. And on this day, there’s some kids and babies around, but none are screaming at least. I ask if he’d like to play cards. A quick internet search showed the game ‘War’ was easy to play. Turns out there is no skill to it whatsoever. It’s basically a coin toss to win.
We start to play War. He calls it dumb (and it is really) but I playfully disagreed and claimed it was a game of skill. I said, “Watch, I’m going to win this hand”. We play our cards and I won. I said, “See? You just have to think positive”. We’re laughing of course. But he gets it, and starts to play along. Making exclamations and such about who will win each play and declare themselves the greatest most skilled player.
Then I start quoting video games. He of course loves this. We recently played Unreal Tournament and there’s always a quote whenever a player makes a kill. So when I won next, I said, “Headshot!” in the same tone as the game. He immediately responds with quotes of his own. Rampage! Dominating! I’ve go the flag. And at the end: You have lost the match!
When it was time to go he hits me with, “I hate to say this, but I had a good time”.
I was floored! He has absolutely never said THAT. Not only that, but it happened in a place it was never supposed to happen. In a crowded bar with a band playing and other kids running around. I’m floored again just writing these words.
I think the card game really helped. It kept him distracted. It was an easy game. And we were able to make jokes about it, talk smack, and quote video games.
It was an exceptional day.
